by Garrett Haskell Gardner

There is a difference between the "buy" and the "sale." The buy is the ultimate result of the properly made sale. The prospect and the seller have control over the sale. By working together, they bring the process to its natural conclusion-a working relationship. But only the prospect has control of the "buy." Instead of spending their energies with the sale, the average sellers, regularly, waste time on trying to force the buy.

Jumping Ahead
Getting into the sales pitch too soon can break off the sale.  Because of long-standing biases and usual sales training programs, sellers, as a rule, are not willing to get to know prospects and find out their needs and desires before they make the pitch. Sellers assume those things aren't important, because they believe "most people don't know what they really need." They want to hold them at arms length until the orders are written. And, sadly, the orders don't get written.

Sellers are afraid of getting into a conversation. But, it's conversation that the prospects are really looking for; a willingness from sellers to get to know them-to care. By refusing to listen, non-judgmentally, sellers often fail to hear the acceptance cues that prospects are giving. So, they keep pushing the features, until the prospects say, "No!"

Prospects are looking for the benefits-the reasons why they should buy. Conversation is the tool that charges prospects with buy-in power. That's all many need to build lasting relationships with sellers and their companies. Developing small talk ability, to cut through the tension, is key to sellers' success.

Prospects will only listen to the pitch after they know they've been heard. Prospects become clients when sellers relax and show a willingness to listen to what they have to say. When sellers cut off conversations and jump back to the pitch, prospects lose heart, tune out and turn off.

Two-way conversation is somewhat like a boxing match. During the early rounds, opponents study each other, trying to find out where the other is coming from. But, unlike the boxing match, the seller should want the prospect to win, by leading the prospect to the seller's strengths. Because, when the prospect knows the benefits of doing business with the seller, both win. The relationship is, then, open and the buy occurs-when it needs to, naturally.

Sellers should know their material so well, that they don't have to think about it and they trust their mind to give them the words. Our culture constantly tells us to always "know what you're going to say," and, of course, we can't. Circumstances are such that everything is in a state of flux-especially conversation. We never really know what the other person is going to say, even though we think we do. So our responses are always dependent upon our understanding of the present. For this reason, we must learn to trust our minds. It's the only way we can let go and be ourselves. Then, our responses will make sense, we won't fall over our words and prospects won't think we are making it up as we go along.

Breathing and Relaxation Are Key
Sellers give in to worry, anxiety, conflict, time constraints and fatigue regularly. They want things to happen now, when things only happen in their own good time. All they can do is accept reality. The best way to accept reality is to put yourself in a relaxed state, so your ego can be subdued and your mind can take over. Deep breathing is the best way to break the tension. You can start today.

Changing the paradigm takes time. Success is assured when you-as the seller-take the time to learn these time-tested skills and insights:

• Ask prospects to tell you a little bit about their needs and how they think your product or service might help.
• Listen, non-judgmentally, to uncover hidden agendas and provide solutions.
• Respond, succinctly, and ask other open-ended questions to know what benefits to hit on when it's your turn to talk. The prospect will tell you when that is—don't worry.
• Know your material so well that you don't have to think about it; and, trust your mind to give it to you.
• Demonstrate benefits from a needs-fulfillment perspective.
• Open yourself to the prospect's questions, without feeling tension.
• Deliver your content in an easy and repeatable manner, so that if the prospect shows any consternation, you can say it again without thinking.
• Approach the pitch from a right brain perspective to engage the emotions of the prospect.
• Use your voice to demonstrate involvement and true concern, without pressure.
• Reduce the amount of interrupting, rushing to conclusion and over questioning, which prevent understanding.
• Apply techniques of influence to lead prospects to your strengths.
• Avoid giving in to worry, anxiety, conflict, time constraints and fatigue.
• Reduce the need for unnecessary follow-up by getting the prospects to make timely commitments.
• Respond with meaningful statements designed to continue the conversation to its natural conclusion: a relationship.
• Make the "sale" without concern for when the "buy" happens.

Garrett Gardner is the founder and president of FULL VOICE, a vocal performance training and image adjustment firm. He is a consultant, instructor and personal trainer in the proper use of voice and physical attitude for effective business development, career enhancement and life enrichment. He is the author of the text, You Can Sound Like You Know What You're Saying. You can reach him at (816) 941-0011 or at .