Happy Holidays and Elder Care: Possibility or Potential Pitfall? Resourceful small-business owners slow down stress while perking up reserves.
By Cheryl Smith
Are you a small-business owner or manager who also is caring for elderly loved ones? Are you gearing up for a busy commercial season while hoping for grace during family holidays? “Doing it all” during the emotionally-loaded prelude to Christmas just isn’t possible. Let’s face it: you can’t paint a perfect holiday scene. But you can do plenty to enhance an environment of relaxed enjoyment for everyone. With an increasing number of small-business owners responsible for the care of aging family members, the potential for stress is escalating across the country. But wait; isn’t there a magic formula for happy holidays? The answer is “yes.” As you replace expectations of festivities with the sweet gift of simple presence, you increase the possibility for a season that glows brighter than you imagine.
More Hours in Your Day Give yourself a gift today. Allow an hour to do the exercise below, and you’ll reap more hours in the long run—guaranteed.
Make a list of everything that must be done in your business. Include the small details that often take more time than you think.
Make a separate list of expected tasks for family holidays (we all know they don’t just happen). Be sure and include care-giving responsibilities, such as helping an elderly loved one with bathing, laundering soiled bedding and clothes or accommodating a special diet.
Put a star by items in either list that could be delegated to a family member or friend. This may include opening and sorting the business mail, running business errands or taking phone messages. At home, it may include things you traditionally reserve for yourself, such as baking the pies, decorating or planning family games. By each starred item, write the name of a person you can ask to help.
Pick two or three items without stars from each list that can be best accomplished by an experienced professional, such as a temp-agent hire (e.g., getting the holiday mail out or editing your newsletter) or an eldercare home care agency (i.e., bathe and dress your elderly family member, fix special dietary meals or take your elderly loved ones on a short Christmas display excursion). Look up the names and contact information of several professional organizations to contact and call them today.
Give Yourself a Break The idea for this exercise is to implement a holiday speed bump. By letting yourself off the hook for certain personal responsibilities, you give yourself a break. This makes the atmosphere more positive and festive for the entire household. By delegating practical roles to family and professionals, you reap the rewards of being there for emotional needs, such as savoring music together with your elderly loved ones or engaging in conversation that affirms their lives and memories. Certainly, the unexpected will happen during the holidays. You may be called on to step into the shoes of someone who faltered at the office. And it’s likely the family at home will fall into disequilibrium at some point. That makes it even more important to plan relief helpers into your schedule from the very beginning. When you want to erupt emotionally, stop; take three deep breaths and ask for practical help. Spend a few moments alone to recoup reserves. Nominate a family member to step in or call in a professional. You can’t satisfy everyone at all times. But you can take responsibility for your own well-being and positive intentions:
Let your goal be a relaxed, contented holiday.
Reserve a few moments each day for yourself.
Stay alert to emotional and physical hazards.
Be generous with praise and appreciation.
Make room for simple life-affirming moments.
Know your limits and engage help from family members or professional caregivers.
Keep it simple. Togetherness is the highest form of festivity.
Burnout Is Not an Option Who doesn’t feel overwhelmed at times? But as a caregiver, burnout is not an option. Set the stage not for a fuzzy illusion of perfect holiday cheer, but for moments of relaxed contentment. Plan times to do nothing but sit beside your elderly loved one and match their slower tempo. What they really crave is your presence. Focus on being in the moment instead of rushing about doing things for them. You’ll find this is the sweetest oil for the holiday wheels—creating a whirr of contentment instead of contention for your family and yourself.
Cheryl Smith is a geriatric care manager and the president of Kansas City Home Care Inc. Smith is a gerontologist and a long-standing member of the National Association of Professional Care Managers (GCM), past president of the Midwest Chapter of GCM and a founding member of the National Private Duty Association. You can reach her at
